As moments linger: and following gets hard

I am always one that enjoys fully living in the moment. I take things as they come and supplement it with a broader picture that allows me to continue on a path while enjoying events that happen. It is a great thing, but often becomes void of reflection and a depth that can truly be helpful. Many times it has been so good to hear a sermon or have a conversation where i know and feel the presence of the Lord and the Spirit guiding me and the conversation.

Yet those moments that happen, tend to be just that. A smaller aspect, a moment that I cherish and love and praise God for. I wouldn't trade those times for just about anything, for it is when i grow the most and i find God's truth in. But there comes a time when moments transfer to more than a fleeting aspect of life. They combine and continue, and with that comes decisions and choices and the necessity of following after, or pursuing an end.

Far to often I have settled for what the next moment brings and trusting that to God. He has brought me incredible places and introduced me to awesome people. Yet now, as I come to a place in my life where I have experienced possibilities and seen opportunities, I have realized the need to truly follow after what God wants me to do.... but that is hard.

It is hard because it requires a lot more of myself. I not only have to give up myself but i also have to search out HIS will and thoughts. It is always easier to just go with it and encounter God as he meets me. It becomes hard as i stand up out of my chair and walk to the ledge. HE is out there on the water, smiling and waiting and I am no longer talking about walking on water, I am being asked to follow HIM out there. SCARY

Yet there is this confidence, for those who have been alongside me, who have experienced me, know me and seen me encounter God and my life. They are right beside me, one in the body and in prayer. I thank God that I DO have people around me, always have and always will be my support for wobbly legs.

This past period of time, being on my own and learning how to live and search and be has been great, and hard and rewarding and challenging. I should expect nothing less. The past few months have been also some of greatest times I have had as I try hard to follow, not as a bystander but one who drops the nets and follows.

The Father's Word is true and I love being a part of that. So as the past month has had its immense ups and downs, and the confusion trys to reign and cut me down. I have around me things that support and drive me forward through the moment into an experience! I have the Word, I have friends, I have spoken truth by pastors and speakers. All of which have been such a great and needed in times recently.

So here I am... A guy who longs to imitate (follow, be like, seek after) Christ and is growing in willingness to let go and be brought _____ (anywhere). Its dang scary and weird and doesn't give an answer in a moment. But I rest in the knowledge that I have people behind me and the word before me.

I cried out today as my soul felt agitated, and I know I have responses from those who are in the battle with me. I turned to a little daily inspiration book, which oddly enough is called "Divine Moments" (just like my favorite times :) God is funny) and turned right to "Following" ~Why does following God feel/seem so hard sometimes? (Can you believe that, its like God is near and cares or something!)

Then the Bible verses come from the New and Old Testament, Matthew 16:24 "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me." and 1 Chronicles 28:20 Be strong and courageous and do the work dont be afraid or discouraged for the LORD God, my God, is with you and will not forsake you.

MAN thats just awesome, tears stream down my face as the TRUTH of God pours into me. HE is great and awesome.

So i still have no answers and may not for a while, but as these moments linger and add together, I have a confidence that lifts me up. I long to follow more eagerly and fully. cause i know that because of the struggle i am experiencing i am headed in the right direction. Soon the time will come to step up on the ledge and follow my Savior out to a place where footprints dont work and a gaze fixed on Christ is all you can go by.

Sounds scary, but brilliant and incredible huh.

Conversation From Room to Floors to the World.

A year has passed and gone quickly. Mammoth changes came incredibly quick. To be able to sit and see what has happened, how I've changed, how those around me have changed is a gift. There is no other way to look at it.

- A gift given to realize the abilities you've gained, and the growth of those around you.-

I cant help but have a smile on my face to sit and think. And when you get to share the end of one calendar year with those who you have seen and have seen you transition through the end of the collegiate season of life, the reflections and memories are just that sweeter. This is one reflection.

Conversations in a dorm room is where it starts. From the awkward beginnings of your first roommates and living together or brother/sister wingers stopping by and the gradual shift from giggles and jokes to semi serious conversations about relationships and friendships. To talks on how we live out our faith, how to be real in a bubble. To struggles we have with each other and within ourselves.

Just simple conversations. Whether taking place in dorm rooms, IHOP visits, lounges, small groups and as they transfer to off campus houses, visits to the friends homes. They have also shifted from AIM, to Ichat, to facebook, to skype to mass emails. Simple conversations yes, but o how the depths of each person are shaped, molded and grown.

It is just great to think of the conversations and thoughts, realize where youve come from and where you are headed. Especially because in hindsight you see those around you grow as well. So when you continue to mature and are able to have a great post Taylor time on New Year ’s Eve, and mix in quality conversation you just gotta smile. Because the conversations have made us better, wiser, stronger, and different.

So when a guy comes up to a group of people having a good time laughing and conversing on the floor of a train station in Chicago IL. He sees something different. He sees years of conversations combined into a group of people. He sees "A Jesus Circle"

In a world where people aren’t real enough to develop conversations that are beneficial and will build up others as well as themselves. Cynicism rules and the belief of self sustenance and self knowledge of truth affect all areas of life. He feels the need to come over and spout his opinions because he longs for them to be known and challenged. He comes over and calls my LORD ridiculous names to see if his children really care. He challenges the beliefs because he doesn’t understand the process by which they have been forged.

He becomes confused because the "Jesus Circle" stays calm collected and continues to be the same people he saw from across the room. They smile because they have the ability to rely on a few factors. Knowledge of who they are. Knowledge of who HE is, and what He promises. A knowledge that has been shaped by their conversations.

He leaves still cursing the Name. But he has encountered something, probably something he didn’t quite expect, a group of people united in love and friendship. Who have spent time testing and growing each other. Who took time to converse, to care, to love. To flesh out the Word and help figure out the world around them. He met people who love Jesus.

I love the fact that we get to laugh about a random interaction to start the New Year. Reflection brings me to love even more the build up to that point; the conversations, the love and the growth. It all started with taking time to talk. Just letting things happen, and allowing conversations blossom into challenges and growth.

So thanks to you! As we continue to converse, whether by mass email or video chats or homecoming meetings, New Years celebrations and the like thank you for helping me grow.

So if you don’t have a New Years resolution, just think of taking time. Taking time to; debate, talk, challenge, ask questions, and just be with each other.
May we look to continue to grow this Mark of a Christian. By continuing to converse grow and love each other.
My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:33-35)

Conflicting thoughts

Well its been far too long since I last posted, basically for myself. And its no surprise that I am figuring out interesting things because of my lack of time spent in thought and getting into the word. They help me more than I really know until i slow down with them.

First off I love how God works. As soon as I got back home for thanksgiving the sermon at my church by my former youth pastor who has grown into an incredible speaker, was the beginning of an advent series dealing with the 7 I AM statements Jesus makes. The first "I AM the light of the world" Sweeeeeet (heres the link http://www.gebible.org/audio/113008.mp3) Just an interesting thing to have happen. It was an enjoyable sermon, but I should probably go back over it again to unpack it for myself even more. Just a cool thing to see that my random thoughts and conversations have something deeper behind them. Now if I could just continue to figure out and take the time to be with them.

My thoughts have been leading towards what is going to happen next. I love being back at Taylor, but have had an itch to step out of the boat and go for something that is beyond comfortable. I started to feel that it is the next logical step and that its where my heart was at. But after the back and forth of not going to the word and God about it it has become clouded and conflicting thoughts run through my head. So I am needing to get back to it all, the basics and thoughts from myself others and where God leads. It is always interesting to see possibilities and also feel your way through to where you should be.

This is a thought for my next post (i hope) the concept of self.... and the sinfulness of focusing on the self as well as the balance of being yourself. Hmmm

Well here is another thought to ponder for and from me, after watching Dark Knight last night... "It is always the darkest just before the DAWN"

Whats light got to do with it

So needing time to myself to get a little refocused i went to find "solitude" in the place where i feel most comfortable, the KSAC. I put my headphones in and started to zone out while people walked by and said hi, in all reality its how i get my best work done believe it or not.

But in looking around at the large Taylor seal and starting to read 1 John i started thinking about what is light. How do we really see, perceive, or think about light. Do we realize how light corresponds to our call as Christians? Should we see it differently and have it affect how we live? I think so...so here are some of my preliminary thoughts on what light is seen as and where its found in the bible.

• First off to get scientific its a particle and a wave... a combination of the basics of how things work... interesting
• essentials of sight, many aspects coming together to make colors
  
• the speed of light is instantaneous
  
• there are varying degrees of light, amounts are seen differently
  
• something that all things are drawn too... hmmmm
• widely used in symbolism
• something taken for granted
• Very first thing to be created..... Gen 1:3
• first thing to be called GOOD
• a remnant of God's Glory
• a symbol of purity
• a separation from darkness
  

And this is maybe something that i think symbolizes and explains a lot of what light should mean to us....... -> light is the presence of something that is only noticed when it is not present.

Ok follow me here. This is where my brain might take over and make a lot more sense in my head than how i explain this.

God separated light from darkness. Which means to have one means the other is not present. The only way to know what light is, happens when darkness is not present. Darkness is defined by a place where there is no light. The only way to differentiate is to percieve or notice which state is occuring.

So when we look at passages in the New Testament letters and when Jesus talks of being the salt and light or a city on a hill should we think differently?

What does or call to be a light in the darkness mean? To me this call is an essential aspect of being a Christian. We should be present, and a reflection of God's glory wherever we are. We are called to be different and to be noticed. I still need to look over the rest of the new testament to figure out more of what i think specifically, it is getting late and there are too many conversations going on in my brain...

Lemme know what you think.... by the way it is not a surprise that one of my favorite passages is Ephesians 4: 17- 5:3, entitled living as children of light... check it out (i may have the passage a little off, but youll find it :) haha)

GOD BLESS and till next time

First Thoughts

I have always been one to think. Contrary to my actions at times; my ability to sit down think, have conversations amongst others and in my own brain are valuable to me.

The ability to slow down is one I need to continue to grow, cultivate and explore. I love being able to look into my thoughts and as I remember to look to the opinions of others I care about and see how their lives are going I figured I would love to continue conversations.

Conversations are the basis of growth to me. They are what extend thought from my ears to my brain and heart. A simple conversation will engage me far beyond the normal scope of activity and busyness, it will lead to a searching, and a finding out about myself and others.

I have found the need to have conversations with myself just as important in growth, but how often do I shy away because I know that truth will be revealed. It will often not be a pretty, rosy, alls well truth. Yet it is a truth that challenges, shapes and grows me. Which I must say is pretty sweet.

Feel free to join me in my conversations, I welcome input and the challenges that continue from an activity that is not mindless but mindFULL. I will be real, unashamed and most likely far to hard on myself, but the idea is to grow. I know that help from others, every little addition will make me into more of the man I want to be.

-Until the next thoughts run their course-