There are times when the battle is all to well laid out in front of you. You can sense it, feel it and just live it. Your heart longs, yearns and calls out for one thing, and the world, sometimes logic and busyness fight back to call your attention away. How often are you stoked after a good worship session, a great time in the word, or with friends only to be attacked, become inevitably busy, and have your mind completely taken off what you just wanted so much so to hold on to.
I am annoyed at the more common occurrence of this phenomenon. But I will take solace in the fact that it is happening...that my heart is yearning more and more for something true and right. So much so that the enemy looks to attack quickly to make sure my heart is not focused on the light, and on the fight.
The thing is- I WANT TO BE STUPID FOR JESUS CHRIST. I want to continue at a pace and into a journey where the world, my friends and a lot of the people around me have to ask "really?? your just going to go and do what?" and "arent you worried about X, or Y or Z?" and I hope to continue, and my heart longs to be in a position to smile, say you betcha, i cant think of any other way to do this thing!
Its why my heart and body gets pumped when I sing a song about giving it all to HIM, about letting go and trusting fully in surrender the one who has paid it ALL for me. It is why when i first hear a song with lyrics like "May Your love become my every thought. I want to know the sound of Your heart. I want to live for You now." I just get so excited and my heart wells up inside me.
It is why when i actually sit and dwell and think about what the God of the universe did FOR ME, i smile and just cant say much because it is to great and ridiculous. How when i think on HIS love, i know everything else will fall into place.
It is the position i want myself and my heart to be in, but this selfishness and disease in me will fight to draw me away from the goodness that is searching after what my true heart desires. Its is why i need to continue to build up my guard, and people around me to encourage and uplift me when i need it. It is why I look for opportunities and places to increase my necessity to rely on HIM, and the strength of THE MIGHTY ONE rather than my ability to "be good".
It is why I am excited about the possibility of going to a place where i can challenge myself daily, get away from everything and be with him and do his work in front of my face. It is why i long to challenge myself by going overseas for a year. If you dont know about that possibility ask me, I would love to get more stoked about the possibility HE has for me.
This love, and the life he is transforming and person the Father is creating is so great, and crazy. I just want it to continue. Especially if and most likely it means that I get to be Stupid in the eyes of the world to follow the one who has given me more than i ever thought possible.
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