IT IS HERE!
I am sitting here astounded that I am hours away from leaving the midwest to skip across the pond to Northern Ireland! I mean going from 95 degree weather to 65 will not be to bad, and playing soccer with some Irish lads will be fantastic.
But I am most excited about what God is going to bring about and the instances and people I will be able to interact with. Seeing how God will move me and those around me to take an even better look at HIM.
If you have looked at my blog before and been like sheesh he only writes once a month if your lucky, that will change. I am looking forward to letting you know what is going on and how things are going and my random thoughts about life and God pretty consistently.
Your always welcome to email me at TUBMILL3@gmail.com and I do have skype as well! find me on facebook or just say hey on the blog or stop by my webpage that has more information about Project Evangelism and the possibility of supporting me in prayer and monetarily! that can be found at http://independentmissionary.com/site/missionaries/miller
AWWW SNAP!!! lets get it going.
Thanks for all the support, encouragement and prayer that i already have had and know will continue to have. You all are incredible and I thank God for you.
Sincerely Bryan
Bmill
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Anticipating What is to Come
Hmmmm what about today, what about tomorrow? What about next month. Normal questions that you ask yourself and others ask you.
For me these questions become heightened and intensified as August approaches. August brings change, adventure and new beginnings. God's continued work in my life and the journey He brings me along starts a new chapter. I am headed from the home that Champaign has become and Wheaton continues to be to Northern Ireland. Its beyond changing zip codes or states, but a trip across the pond.
Back to a place where God started a change in me, where he helped me evaluate what my talents gifts and possibilities include. I consider it incredible that over the last 6 years God has taken me to 3 continents, 5 short term missions trips and grown me as a soccer player and a man in ways i never thought possible.
Today I was commissioned by my home church. Glen Ellyn Bible Church. To stand up and feel the support and presence of people who have helped shape me and believe in me was awesome and humbling.
This journey is so exciting and crazy and the closer it comes the more excited i get. To be able to talk about this opportunity with friends and more so excite myself in the possibilities God has in store is one of the best things to experience.
I long to see what God can do through a goofball like me, because He has done so much already and it is for HIS Glory. Whether this whole thing becomes what is fully possible or just a bag of goodness hardship and growth, i will rejoice in the fact that it is what is happening.
So for now i am in the stage of anticipation, of looking forward expectantly to see how my life will be radically changed in a short period of time. To have people so excited for my opportunity is so great and humbling, so i thank you and look forward to keeping up with you and help you get more glimpses into my brain and what God does inside it and share the conversations that occur within and around me!
God is good, and I enjoy seeing more and more of His goodness through people and opportunities as well as the Word. So I leave you with a passage that is on the back of the shirt of the Murlough House to where I am headed again, and to find this verse and its message now is great!
Ephesians 1:11&12 It is in CHRIST that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, (!) part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone
Amen and Amen, Anticipating finding out who I am and what i fully long to live for, and loving the possibility of continuing the journey to find that out soon!
For me these questions become heightened and intensified as August approaches. August brings change, adventure and new beginnings. God's continued work in my life and the journey He brings me along starts a new chapter. I am headed from the home that Champaign has become and Wheaton continues to be to Northern Ireland. Its beyond changing zip codes or states, but a trip across the pond.
Back to a place where God started a change in me, where he helped me evaluate what my talents gifts and possibilities include. I consider it incredible that over the last 6 years God has taken me to 3 continents, 5 short term missions trips and grown me as a soccer player and a man in ways i never thought possible.
Today I was commissioned by my home church. Glen Ellyn Bible Church. To stand up and feel the support and presence of people who have helped shape me and believe in me was awesome and humbling.
This journey is so exciting and crazy and the closer it comes the more excited i get. To be able to talk about this opportunity with friends and more so excite myself in the possibilities God has in store is one of the best things to experience.
I long to see what God can do through a goofball like me, because He has done so much already and it is for HIS Glory. Whether this whole thing becomes what is fully possible or just a bag of goodness hardship and growth, i will rejoice in the fact that it is what is happening.
So for now i am in the stage of anticipation, of looking forward expectantly to see how my life will be radically changed in a short period of time. To have people so excited for my opportunity is so great and humbling, so i thank you and look forward to keeping up with you and help you get more glimpses into my brain and what God does inside it and share the conversations that occur within and around me!
God is good, and I enjoy seeing more and more of His goodness through people and opportunities as well as the Word. So I leave you with a passage that is on the back of the shirt of the Murlough House to where I am headed again, and to find this verse and its message now is great!
Ephesians 1:11&12 It is in CHRIST that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, (!) part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone
Amen and Amen, Anticipating finding out who I am and what i fully long to live for, and loving the possibility of continuing the journey to find that out soon!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Peace vs Certainty A semantic look
Semantics: The Art of Meaning Underneath Our Words
I have always been fascinated with the meaning of a person's words. The fact that what they say, and what they intend to mean often have differences, leading to telling insights.
One thing I enjoy about the ability to talk and converse with people is the sense of who they are when they are talking. You can see a lot about how they look at things in regards to what their tone, first words or word choice are. One of my favorites is to listen and think on the first word that comes after a reflective pause, as that can be a masked word, or a true and deep word.
What I mean is that a masked word is chosen carefully to allow a window in but does not tell the whole story, omitting importance or feeling behind it. Where a true and deep word can ring sincere and impactful, dripping with meaning that is hoped to be picked up.
So that is what I enjoy by listening to semantics. While thinking on how I enjoy this little aspect of communication I got to thinking about some ways we as the world, and as Christians like to talk and what we can really long for, or want to strive for versus what we feel and say we want. I think it is important to know the depth of what we want to go after. Not just to pay lip service to the ideas we have always heard but to think on these words and how with a subtle shift, we are led back to the One who completes all.
I think a big one that we (emerging adults as I was told we are) in the 20-30 range spend a lot of time thinking about what, if and how we can figure out if we are following God's will. A lot of times this comes with an unsettling feeling and a lot of questioning. What we often end up saying is that I want to have peace about what I am doing or where I am headed.
Ready? Here is the first example of a masked word. It is a trigger word we are supposed to say. Makes sense though right? It is a good thing to want peace isn't it? The problem is we use it in the wrong context. What we really are longing for and expecting is an overriding FEELING of certainty. Something that jumps out at us in our experience that says yup your right on. Hmm wonder how many times we get that feeling in any aspect of our lives? Let alone an abstract and overarching situation in which we are very subjective and quick to label one way or another.
Here is where my momma gave me one of the most fantastic comments ever to think on and wrestle with. “Everyone says they are searching for peace. But what they really are wanting is certainty. The problem is that we live in an uncertain world.” Alright, think on that for a bit. Dig deep and think of a time where you were sure of something. That is the feeling you want to experience again isn't it! Its a great feeling! But looking for that feeling again is hard, because we live in a world where it is rare.
Why is it rare, because we cannot control anything in this world! It is uncertain. Any semblance of control we have is fleeting and changes with the situations we encounter. It's why the recession is playing with so many peoples minds, and faith. Because what we thought was under our control was in all reality far out of our control. Scary thought, but when you think about it, its true. Can you control what the next interaction you will have and how it will happen exactly? Maybe once or twice but beyond that are circumstances beyond our control.
Alright, now that I have thoroughly brought you through the aspects of what we far to often use as a masked word, lets get back to the reality of the word Peace. Let us see what we can unlock from the simple word we know all that well and see if it can shift us back towards the one who has all the Power and authority. The one in who we long to be in tune with in the first place.
Peace-absence of mental anxiety, or a state of stillness silence or serenity. That is according to dictionary type of peace. Looking into a little more Biblical definitions you can see a bit of difference. Peace – (eirhnh) a state of untroubled tranquility, or a state of harmony and well being. And a little deeper in Pauline thought of peace of fellowship -”This is the personal peace which God gives to the individual through fellowship with the Lord, or through walking in concord with God with all known sin confessed and turned over to God’s grace” (Bible.org, Keathley).
Alright so peace in these definitions and my thought is a place absent of worry (untroubled tranquility) and a place where we are totally reliant on the Lord, trusting for his provision because we are walking with him.
That is definitely a different thought process and longing than just wanting to feel like things are under control. Peace is a position where we get which says WHATEVER happens and however I feel I will trust, and be fine with my surroundings because I know that God is with me and has taken care of things in advance!
It reminds me of James 4 where we are called to be at peace with our situation and allow God to work. 13-now listen you who say today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city spend a year there carry on business and make money. Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow! 15-Instead you ought to say, If it is the Lord's will we will live and do this or that. James is remarking on how we need to stay Christ focuses and see things as part of His plan and trust, be at peace with the situation you are in now as you eagerly look forward to what GOD will do in your life. Not necessarily what you will do next in your life.
We rest in the fact that this peace, not certainty is a different sort, a better sort, a more complete aspect that we should long for and focus on. John 14:27- Peace I leave with you; MY peace I give you. I do not give to you as the word gives . Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid!
So when you think about what is next in your life, the ups and downs of life and the struggle to follow after God in this relationship, think about the bigger picture of what God longs for you. Not striving for a fleeting contentment but a deeper and more incredible sort. Jesus' peace, one that is not of the world!
When we focus on this, everything falls into place and we are, wait for it! Shockingly at peace! When we step back and rely on him (which is dang hard) we find things come and go and our rock stands amidst an uncertain world. Our foundation holds while the world looking for certainty and the next good thing and feeling end up being washed away under foundations of sand.
So there is my semantic thoughts for just this topic. Peace vs certainty. Which one ends up sounding better to you?
Draw near, hold onto HIM and he will draw near to you, and his promises remain the same throughout all time.
I have always been fascinated with the meaning of a person's words. The fact that what they say, and what they intend to mean often have differences, leading to telling insights.
One thing I enjoy about the ability to talk and converse with people is the sense of who they are when they are talking. You can see a lot about how they look at things in regards to what their tone, first words or word choice are. One of my favorites is to listen and think on the first word that comes after a reflective pause, as that can be a masked word, or a true and deep word.
What I mean is that a masked word is chosen carefully to allow a window in but does not tell the whole story, omitting importance or feeling behind it. Where a true and deep word can ring sincere and impactful, dripping with meaning that is hoped to be picked up.
So that is what I enjoy by listening to semantics. While thinking on how I enjoy this little aspect of communication I got to thinking about some ways we as the world, and as Christians like to talk and what we can really long for, or want to strive for versus what we feel and say we want. I think it is important to know the depth of what we want to go after. Not just to pay lip service to the ideas we have always heard but to think on these words and how with a subtle shift, we are led back to the One who completes all.
I think a big one that we (emerging adults as I was told we are) in the 20-30 range spend a lot of time thinking about what, if and how we can figure out if we are following God's will. A lot of times this comes with an unsettling feeling and a lot of questioning. What we often end up saying is that I want to have peace about what I am doing or where I am headed.
Ready? Here is the first example of a masked word. It is a trigger word we are supposed to say. Makes sense though right? It is a good thing to want peace isn't it? The problem is we use it in the wrong context. What we really are longing for and expecting is an overriding FEELING of certainty. Something that jumps out at us in our experience that says yup your right on. Hmm wonder how many times we get that feeling in any aspect of our lives? Let alone an abstract and overarching situation in which we are very subjective and quick to label one way or another.
Here is where my momma gave me one of the most fantastic comments ever to think on and wrestle with. “Everyone says they are searching for peace. But what they really are wanting is certainty. The problem is that we live in an uncertain world.” Alright, think on that for a bit. Dig deep and think of a time where you were sure of something. That is the feeling you want to experience again isn't it! Its a great feeling! But looking for that feeling again is hard, because we live in a world where it is rare.
Why is it rare, because we cannot control anything in this world! It is uncertain. Any semblance of control we have is fleeting and changes with the situations we encounter. It's why the recession is playing with so many peoples minds, and faith. Because what we thought was under our control was in all reality far out of our control. Scary thought, but when you think about it, its true. Can you control what the next interaction you will have and how it will happen exactly? Maybe once or twice but beyond that are circumstances beyond our control.
Alright, now that I have thoroughly brought you through the aspects of what we far to often use as a masked word, lets get back to the reality of the word Peace. Let us see what we can unlock from the simple word we know all that well and see if it can shift us back towards the one who has all the Power and authority. The one in who we long to be in tune with in the first place.
Peace-absence of mental anxiety, or a state of stillness silence or serenity. That is according to dictionary type of peace. Looking into a little more Biblical definitions you can see a bit of difference. Peace – (eirhnh) a state of untroubled tranquility, or a state of harmony and well being. And a little deeper in Pauline thought of peace of fellowship -”This is the personal peace which God gives to the individual through fellowship with the Lord, or through walking in concord with God with all known sin confessed and turned over to God’s grace” (Bible.org, Keathley).
Alright so peace in these definitions and my thought is a place absent of worry (untroubled tranquility) and a place where we are totally reliant on the Lord, trusting for his provision because we are walking with him.
That is definitely a different thought process and longing than just wanting to feel like things are under control. Peace is a position where we get which says WHATEVER happens and however I feel I will trust, and be fine with my surroundings because I know that God is with me and has taken care of things in advance!
It reminds me of James 4 where we are called to be at peace with our situation and allow God to work. 13-now listen you who say today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city spend a year there carry on business and make money. Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow! 15-Instead you ought to say, If it is the Lord's will we will live and do this or that. James is remarking on how we need to stay Christ focuses and see things as part of His plan and trust, be at peace with the situation you are in now as you eagerly look forward to what GOD will do in your life. Not necessarily what you will do next in your life.
We rest in the fact that this peace, not certainty is a different sort, a better sort, a more complete aspect that we should long for and focus on. John 14:27- Peace I leave with you; MY peace I give you. I do not give to you as the word gives . Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid!
So when you think about what is next in your life, the ups and downs of life and the struggle to follow after God in this relationship, think about the bigger picture of what God longs for you. Not striving for a fleeting contentment but a deeper and more incredible sort. Jesus' peace, one that is not of the world!
When we focus on this, everything falls into place and we are, wait for it! Shockingly at peace! When we step back and rely on him (which is dang hard) we find things come and go and our rock stands amidst an uncertain world. Our foundation holds while the world looking for certainty and the next good thing and feeling end up being washed away under foundations of sand.
So there is my semantic thoughts for just this topic. Peace vs certainty. Which one ends up sounding better to you?
Draw near, hold onto HIM and he will draw near to you, and his promises remain the same throughout all time.
Friday, March 12, 2010
My journey to be Stupid for the Lord's sake
There are times when the battle is all to well laid out in front of you. You can sense it, feel it and just live it. Your heart longs, yearns and calls out for one thing, and the world, sometimes logic and busyness fight back to call your attention away. How often are you stoked after a good worship session, a great time in the word, or with friends only to be attacked, become inevitably busy, and have your mind completely taken off what you just wanted so much so to hold on to.
I am annoyed at the more common occurrence of this phenomenon. But I will take solace in the fact that it is happening...that my heart is yearning more and more for something true and right. So much so that the enemy looks to attack quickly to make sure my heart is not focused on the light, and on the fight.
The thing is- I WANT TO BE STUPID FOR JESUS CHRIST. I want to continue at a pace and into a journey where the world, my friends and a lot of the people around me have to ask "really?? your just going to go and do what?" and "arent you worried about X, or Y or Z?" and I hope to continue, and my heart longs to be in a position to smile, say you betcha, i cant think of any other way to do this thing!
Its why my heart and body gets pumped when I sing a song about giving it all to HIM, about letting go and trusting fully in surrender the one who has paid it ALL for me. It is why when i first hear a song with lyrics like "May Your love become my every thought. I want to know the sound of Your heart. I want to live for You now." I just get so excited and my heart wells up inside me.
It is why when i actually sit and dwell and think about what the God of the universe did FOR ME, i smile and just cant say much because it is to great and ridiculous. How when i think on HIS love, i know everything else will fall into place.
It is the position i want myself and my heart to be in, but this selfishness and disease in me will fight to draw me away from the goodness that is searching after what my true heart desires. Its is why i need to continue to build up my guard, and people around me to encourage and uplift me when i need it. It is why I look for opportunities and places to increase my necessity to rely on HIM, and the strength of THE MIGHTY ONE rather than my ability to "be good".
It is why I am excited about the possibility of going to a place where i can challenge myself daily, get away from everything and be with him and do his work in front of my face. It is why i long to challenge myself by going overseas for a year. If you dont know about that possibility ask me, I would love to get more stoked about the possibility HE has for me.
This love, and the life he is transforming and person the Father is creating is so great, and crazy. I just want it to continue. Especially if and most likely it means that I get to be Stupid in the eyes of the world to follow the one who has given me more than i ever thought possible.
I am annoyed at the more common occurrence of this phenomenon. But I will take solace in the fact that it is happening...that my heart is yearning more and more for something true and right. So much so that the enemy looks to attack quickly to make sure my heart is not focused on the light, and on the fight.
The thing is- I WANT TO BE STUPID FOR JESUS CHRIST. I want to continue at a pace and into a journey where the world, my friends and a lot of the people around me have to ask "really?? your just going to go and do what?" and "arent you worried about X, or Y or Z?" and I hope to continue, and my heart longs to be in a position to smile, say you betcha, i cant think of any other way to do this thing!
Its why my heart and body gets pumped when I sing a song about giving it all to HIM, about letting go and trusting fully in surrender the one who has paid it ALL for me. It is why when i first hear a song with lyrics like "May Your love become my every thought. I want to know the sound of Your heart. I want to live for You now." I just get so excited and my heart wells up inside me.
It is why when i actually sit and dwell and think about what the God of the universe did FOR ME, i smile and just cant say much because it is to great and ridiculous. How when i think on HIS love, i know everything else will fall into place.
It is the position i want myself and my heart to be in, but this selfishness and disease in me will fight to draw me away from the goodness that is searching after what my true heart desires. Its is why i need to continue to build up my guard, and people around me to encourage and uplift me when i need it. It is why I look for opportunities and places to increase my necessity to rely on HIM, and the strength of THE MIGHTY ONE rather than my ability to "be good".
It is why I am excited about the possibility of going to a place where i can challenge myself daily, get away from everything and be with him and do his work in front of my face. It is why i long to challenge myself by going overseas for a year. If you dont know about that possibility ask me, I would love to get more stoked about the possibility HE has for me.
This love, and the life he is transforming and person the Father is creating is so great, and crazy. I just want it to continue. Especially if and most likely it means that I get to be Stupid in the eyes of the world to follow the one who has given me more than i ever thought possible.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Oswald Says Take Joy in Discouragement
In my reading of My Utmost this morning it was an interesting one to look at and contemplate over because of the situation of myself and others around my age and in my typa situation. The ability to be longing to pursue what you want to do/feel are called by God to do, versus the necessity of a job and paying off expenses creates a dynamic and interesting state which leads to a lot of feelings at different times.
The title of the day is Individual Discouragement and Personal Growth. Oswald looks over Exodus 2:11 and takes an interesting take on Moses' life and where God had him, where he ended up taking him and where and when he uses him. Exodus 2 says “when Moses was grown he went out to his brethren and looked at their burdens.” Apparently Moses was treated as a half prince who was aware of his roots. He knew his people were the Hebrews but was raised by the Egyptians. He saw his people being oppressed and Oswald asserts that he was moved to the point where he believed he should make a difference for the Hebrew people. That he could stand up for them and make sure they were treated better/well. Oswald goes so far so to say Moses was certain that he was the one to deliver them.
So when he sees a beating occur he goes to the rescue of his people, but goes overboard and ends up killing the Egyptian. Could be seen as tally mark one for his idea of helping and gaining ground for his people. He stood up for the Hebrews, yet they did not stand united behind him, but were also beating and quarreling with each other and were indignant to Moses and asked if he were to kill them too.
This ability to be seen as one who did help out but was still not in a place that allowed him to be used as he wanted to be, and maybe as God wanted him to be. Oswald then says that while this tally mark one for Moses on behalf of God for his people seemed to be for the right stuff, Moses was not ready for God to fully use him yet. God ends up sending Moses away by himself for a time of growth, reflection and work on himself by God and those close to him.
Yet it was away in almost ruin, alone and wandering you see Moses still fight for the oppressed in Midian and is rewarded with a wife and family to be brought into. A noble story and a good time, all be it stemming from an empty discouragement, as Oswald asserts, that it is a secondary win. He still was not able to work it out for his people.
In that time of individual discouragement and personal growth, which took 40 years!!! Moses became a different man, but one whose heart still beat for justice and longed to be used, yet seemingly didn't know if he could be anymore. So God comes to him in a burning bush and asks him to bring his people out of Egypt. Moses seems to be like sweet.... but me really? I'm the guy who killed a dude and had to skip outta town like no other last time I tried that. Yet this time he gets to trust in God, being trained and discipled, picked out and groomed more fully, and have God with and for him in an UNDENIABLE way, on which he must rely on God first and foremost. Oswald makes a sweet statement that I have been thinking over for the past couple months in a different type of way, “he was right in his individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work UNTIL he had learned true fellowship and oneness with God”
What a feeling that seems true to me too. I have a longing but even now it is not pronounced as final and not as.....ready. I long to be more in relationship with my God and creator and out of a combination of fear and a nagging feeling of if I go I will end up depending far more on my power than that of Christ, I feel that just going may stunt what I can and maybe will do. I longed for a “wilderness” of my own after feeling that out this summer. Is it a forced wilderness or will it be one where I am out of my comfort zone in the world yet an drawn into closeness with my lover. As of now I am feeling a bit of the latter, but I am open to the plans of the one who knows me best and whose love for me I long to even begin to fathom. Oswald looks at this type of thing as a frustrating good. We have a vision and an understanding of what God wants for us but when we start to pursue we end up faltering into a realm where we did not expect us to be and may end up in complete frustration and discouragement. But our hearts stir and beat for a specific purpose and as we get closer to his face and heart, the meeting will end up being joyous and purposeful once we get the courage to say, NOW??? ME? REALLY? And trust when his answer is yes. YES because you are with ME! I AM WHO I AM, and I AM sending you.
Oswald I think rightly looks at the side of going for it in a selfish and inflated way. “ We must also learn that our individual effort for God shows nothing but disrespect for HIM- our individuality is to be rendered (through surrender) radiant through a personal relationship with God, so that HE may be “well pleased”
He comments pretty unseemingly forceful on the difference between the discerning of God's “will” or more accurately his righteous passion or vision of “what God wants me to do” and the necessity and urgency of learning to get into God's stride and surrender to his timing and plans even if it leads us against our our hearts longings or thoughts for a time.
How great is it that he ends with a caveat and allowing that we are striving for God's heart in the times of struggle and personal discouragement, that great times of personal growth are ahead if we TRUST the I AM who is the past present our our hope in future, and fight towards HIS heart.
The title of the day is Individual Discouragement and Personal Growth. Oswald looks over Exodus 2:11 and takes an interesting take on Moses' life and where God had him, where he ended up taking him and where and when he uses him. Exodus 2 says “when Moses was grown he went out to his brethren and looked at their burdens.” Apparently Moses was treated as a half prince who was aware of his roots. He knew his people were the Hebrews but was raised by the Egyptians. He saw his people being oppressed and Oswald asserts that he was moved to the point where he believed he should make a difference for the Hebrew people. That he could stand up for them and make sure they were treated better/well. Oswald goes so far so to say Moses was certain that he was the one to deliver them.
So when he sees a beating occur he goes to the rescue of his people, but goes overboard and ends up killing the Egyptian. Could be seen as tally mark one for his idea of helping and gaining ground for his people. He stood up for the Hebrews, yet they did not stand united behind him, but were also beating and quarreling with each other and were indignant to Moses and asked if he were to kill them too.
This ability to be seen as one who did help out but was still not in a place that allowed him to be used as he wanted to be, and maybe as God wanted him to be. Oswald then says that while this tally mark one for Moses on behalf of God for his people seemed to be for the right stuff, Moses was not ready for God to fully use him yet. God ends up sending Moses away by himself for a time of growth, reflection and work on himself by God and those close to him.
Yet it was away in almost ruin, alone and wandering you see Moses still fight for the oppressed in Midian and is rewarded with a wife and family to be brought into. A noble story and a good time, all be it stemming from an empty discouragement, as Oswald asserts, that it is a secondary win. He still was not able to work it out for his people.
In that time of individual discouragement and personal growth, which took 40 years!!! Moses became a different man, but one whose heart still beat for justice and longed to be used, yet seemingly didn't know if he could be anymore. So God comes to him in a burning bush and asks him to bring his people out of Egypt. Moses seems to be like sweet.... but me really? I'm the guy who killed a dude and had to skip outta town like no other last time I tried that. Yet this time he gets to trust in God, being trained and discipled, picked out and groomed more fully, and have God with and for him in an UNDENIABLE way, on which he must rely on God first and foremost. Oswald makes a sweet statement that I have been thinking over for the past couple months in a different type of way, “he was right in his individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work UNTIL he had learned true fellowship and oneness with God”
What a feeling that seems true to me too. I have a longing but even now it is not pronounced as final and not as.....ready. I long to be more in relationship with my God and creator and out of a combination of fear and a nagging feeling of if I go I will end up depending far more on my power than that of Christ, I feel that just going may stunt what I can and maybe will do. I longed for a “wilderness” of my own after feeling that out this summer. Is it a forced wilderness or will it be one where I am out of my comfort zone in the world yet an drawn into closeness with my lover. As of now I am feeling a bit of the latter, but I am open to the plans of the one who knows me best and whose love for me I long to even begin to fathom. Oswald looks at this type of thing as a frustrating good. We have a vision and an understanding of what God wants for us but when we start to pursue we end up faltering into a realm where we did not expect us to be and may end up in complete frustration and discouragement. But our hearts stir and beat for a specific purpose and as we get closer to his face and heart, the meeting will end up being joyous and purposeful once we get the courage to say, NOW??? ME? REALLY? And trust when his answer is yes. YES because you are with ME! I AM WHO I AM, and I AM sending you.
Oswald I think rightly looks at the side of going for it in a selfish and inflated way. “ We must also learn that our individual effort for God shows nothing but disrespect for HIM- our individuality is to be rendered (through surrender) radiant through a personal relationship with God, so that HE may be “well pleased”
He comments pretty unseemingly forceful on the difference between the discerning of God's “will” or more accurately his righteous passion or vision of “what God wants me to do” and the necessity and urgency of learning to get into God's stride and surrender to his timing and plans even if it leads us against our our hearts longings or thoughts for a time.
How great is it that he ends with a caveat and allowing that we are striving for God's heart in the times of struggle and personal discouragement, that great times of personal growth are ahead if we TRUST the I AM who is the past present our our hope in future, and fight towards HIS heart.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
3 Things I Know: That I Must Live By
This blog came out of a great time of being challenged and open to introspection and need for spiritual renewal, during (you can guess why) Spiritual Renewal Week Chapel.
I always enjoy being challenged and pushed to a place I know i need to be, because far to often i know i should be pushed in that way but don't push myself. So here is me thinking through things in need to do/realize/expect/challenge myself in everyday. I really like these and they just came to me and I started writing, maybe ill get even more in depth at a later point.
This is the basis of what I am thinking, I long to love God.
Love is a daily choice.
Love is true, freestanding, steadfast, and anchored in its truth.
In order to daily choose to love, i need to know 3 things.
1) I Need My Daily Bread
For man does not live on bread alone but by the very WORD of God.
2) Every Day Is a Battle
There is a WAR going on and there needs to be defensive and offensive moves taken to combat it.
3) Myself and others are involved
I am not alone in this but I am also called to DO WORK. God, HIS word, and His people are there for me, believing in me and rooting for me but I cannot rest on them alone because ultimately I am responsible for my actions.
Love it, need it gotta live by it and focus on these things. I believe these are biblically backed and spoken in the Word by Jesus and those who sought after him and teach us to as well. (I will take time to look up examples for these guys for sure, this is just the conversation in my brain.)
Expanded Thoughts-me thinking along the blurred lines of reality and spirituality.
1) What is sustenance and what is filling. You can be sustained even without food but will be beaten down to a shell. The world will beat you down if you are without the Word. You see hungry people or people who eat and throw it up or are content with little pieces of food and you can see outwardly that they are not healthy, but it is the inward damage that makes it even more intense.
You must ingest, devour, complete the meal and cycle of grafting, absorbing your daily food in order to bring life and nutrients. The whole system boils down to resupplying your energy in order to live and grow. The Word of God is your daily bread, your honey that breaks down into sugar and ends up being the building block through which life comes from. It has to be daily to keep up with the body and with the life around you and the things that you do, if it is neglected or shut off, then the results end up stunted and maimed.
2) Everyday is a battle of forces coming together or two sides that war. It is what a choice is. One side for one and another side for the opposite. For us it is to Live by Christ or to live by self. Walk in the light or walk/stumble/meander through darkness. Yet when you look at war it is not something that just happens or is a stagnant state that you call something. It is active and imposing, it requires action on both sides. War is a tactical situation where offensive and defensive maneuvers must take place. They must be planned and also put into action, what good is a plan if it stays on the drawing board and is not initialized. Both sides must also be used in terms of X's and O's. If you just engage in a defensive battle plan you play on the offensive terms. The other side just does not sit there and let you be, they may lay siege to you and wear you down and starves you out until surrender happens. Countermeasures and an offensive strategy of your own must be employed. Taking hold of what is rightfully yours and bringing it back to peace requires work to be done to defeat the enemy, for it will always try to take back what it wants no matter how far you push it back. If you leave it living and stop the offensive it will come back to get you. Take ground and then reposition your defenses for the next attack for surely the next attack is coming.
3) "You'll Never walk alone" but you do have to walk as well. You are never alone in what you do for there is always at least someone either rooting for you or wanting to come alongside to join you. If you have two choices then you are on one side and so will someone else. You and your group will go after it together for the common goal, but this does not just happen (see point 2). The group will not succeed unless every member pulls their weight. A team, group or unit is not defined by the whole but what each individual effort is given and added up into a whole. Each is accountable for their own job and if one falters it affects the whole. You must not only recognize that you are not alone but hold up your end of the group if you are to succeed. I think of a Phalanx in the Greek fighting days, notably of the 300 Spartans. A terrifying group and a unit that is not easily broken. When each man carries his own end of the bargain, his own weight they are nearly unstoppable as the whole works "as one." But it still relies on your work and the person next to you's work. you hold up your shield not just to protect yourself but also the one next to you. You must have put in work yourself to be able to carry this shield and others are counting on you to put in your work. They will encourage and uplift you for the good of all but it still comes down to the one person taking charge of themselves. In the end the group will give you strength but it must you that decides to hold the shield up when push comes to shove.
I love all of this imagery to me, it makes sense and hopefully it can translate to you. I am pushing forward and driving after a life i have always known i am capable of, but it takes disciple, time, effort and help to make this a reality. I am loved by God, my friends and family who support me and by the belief in me that tells me i am made in imago dei for something special and wonderful, but i must take hold of it knowing that its through HIS Word, and battling the schemes of the evil one, and decided to take action myself that i will be set free and live in the light of love.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Present State
God is good, there aint any doubt about that, and I love the way that he tends to move, a combination of subtlety and an over arching sense of presumed logic.
I needed a vacation and to get away from the norm, so I left Upland and my serving job at Bdubs behind and went to the mountains. Just went by myself to Colorado and Colorado springs. Its amazing how something simple as switching up your schedule allows God to intervene and get through to you in a different way that your set up set of events does not easily allow.
Well it was fantastic, chilling with the Beck family, and getting to know them even better and just enjoying what fellowship and God's beauty has in store. Just being around the mountains and seeing the blue sky and clouds forming everywhere played to my sense of peace with God.
Yet at the same time brought with it a challenge. I was feeling constantly like it was great but that my soul was longing for something that I couldnt put my finger on, and not readily sense.
But during corporate worship with 4,000 kids and adults at a youth conference worship session I was able to enjoy the penetrating of my soul. Just loving basking in the truth I was proclaiming and continuing to get a sense of diving deeper into myself to be able to give more of myself.
So I come back with a few weeks of work left until i gear up and get into soccer season again. I am pumped!!! to be coaching this fall and see what God has in store for the TU ladies soccer program. I know that God will use me in his ways while i am at Taylor.
But also I am excited to have the sense that my time at Taylor is drawing to a close, and I am starting to truly dive into the vast (almost too broad) realm of possibilities of what HE has in store for me next. I am looking into finding a place where I will be continually challenged and pushed beyond my comfort and into another level of trust with God.
I dont know what that looks like, whether its an intensive session of leadership and biblical teaching, getting into a grad school and coaching, playing/doing sports missions, or working in a church. All of these options seem to have an open door, but i know that God will glorify my choice and use it for his glory, but i am looking forward to see what challenge i take.
So that is my present state: expectancy, and humbly looking for the crazy awesome things God has in store for me!
I needed a vacation and to get away from the norm, so I left Upland and my serving job at Bdubs behind and went to the mountains. Just went by myself to Colorado and Colorado springs. Its amazing how something simple as switching up your schedule allows God to intervene and get through to you in a different way that your set up set of events does not easily allow.
Well it was fantastic, chilling with the Beck family, and getting to know them even better and just enjoying what fellowship and God's beauty has in store. Just being around the mountains and seeing the blue sky and clouds forming everywhere played to my sense of peace with God.
Yet at the same time brought with it a challenge. I was feeling constantly like it was great but that my soul was longing for something that I couldnt put my finger on, and not readily sense.
But during corporate worship with 4,000 kids and adults at a youth conference worship session I was able to enjoy the penetrating of my soul. Just loving basking in the truth I was proclaiming and continuing to get a sense of diving deeper into myself to be able to give more of myself.
So I come back with a few weeks of work left until i gear up and get into soccer season again. I am pumped!!! to be coaching this fall and see what God has in store for the TU ladies soccer program. I know that God will use me in his ways while i am at Taylor.
But also I am excited to have the sense that my time at Taylor is drawing to a close, and I am starting to truly dive into the vast (almost too broad) realm of possibilities of what HE has in store for me next. I am looking into finding a place where I will be continually challenged and pushed beyond my comfort and into another level of trust with God.
I dont know what that looks like, whether its an intensive session of leadership and biblical teaching, getting into a grad school and coaching, playing/doing sports missions, or working in a church. All of these options seem to have an open door, but i know that God will glorify my choice and use it for his glory, but i am looking forward to see what challenge i take.
So that is my present state: expectancy, and humbly looking for the crazy awesome things God has in store for me!
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