I am always one that enjoys fully living in the moment. I take things as they come and supplement it with a broader picture that allows me to continue on a path while enjoying events that happen. It is a great thing, but often becomes void of reflection and a depth that can truly be helpful. Many times it has been so good to hear a sermon or have a conversation where i know and feel the presence of the Lord and the Spirit guiding me and the conversation.
Yet those moments that happen, tend to be just that. A smaller aspect, a moment that I cherish and love and praise God for. I wouldn't trade those times for just about anything, for it is when i grow the most and i find God's truth in. But there comes a time when moments transfer to more than a fleeting aspect of life. They combine and continue, and with that comes decisions and choices and the necessity of following after, or pursuing an end.
Far to often I have settled for what the next moment brings and trusting that to God. He has brought me incredible places and introduced me to awesome people. Yet now, as I come to a place in my life where I have experienced possibilities and seen opportunities, I have realized the need to truly follow after what God wants me to do.... but that is hard.
It is hard because it requires a lot more of myself. I not only have to give up myself but i also have to search out HIS will and thoughts. It is always easier to just go with it and encounter God as he meets me. It becomes hard as i stand up out of my chair and walk to the ledge. HE is out there on the water, smiling and waiting and I am no longer talking about walking on water, I am being asked to follow HIM out there. SCARY
Yet there is this confidence, for those who have been alongside me, who have experienced me, know me and seen me encounter God and my life. They are right beside me, one in the body and in prayer. I thank God that I DO have people around me, always have and always will be my support for wobbly legs.
This past period of time, being on my own and learning how to live and search and be has been great, and hard and rewarding and challenging. I should expect nothing less. The past few months have been also some of greatest times I have had as I try hard to follow, not as a bystander but one who drops the nets and follows.
The Father's Word is true and I love being a part of that. So as the past month has had its immense ups and downs, and the confusion trys to reign and cut me down. I have around me things that support and drive me forward through the moment into an experience! I have the Word, I have friends, I have spoken truth by pastors and speakers. All of which have been such a great and needed in times recently.
So here I am... A guy who longs to imitate (follow, be like, seek after) Christ and is growing in willingness to let go and be brought _____ (anywhere). Its dang scary and weird and doesn't give an answer in a moment. But I rest in the knowledge that I have people behind me and the word before me.
I cried out today as my soul felt agitated, and I know I have responses from those who are in the battle with me. I turned to a little daily inspiration book, which oddly enough is called "Divine Moments" (just like my favorite times :) God is funny) and turned right to "Following" ~Why does following God feel/seem so hard sometimes? (Can you believe that, its like God is near and cares or something!)
Then the Bible verses come from the New and Old Testament, Matthew 16:24 "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me." and 1 Chronicles 28:20 Be strong and courageous and do the work dont be afraid or discouraged for the LORD God, my God, is with you and will not forsake you.
MAN thats just awesome, tears stream down my face as the TRUTH of God pours into me. HE is great and awesome.
So i still have no answers and may not for a while, but as these moments linger and add together, I have a confidence that lifts me up. I long to follow more eagerly and fully. cause i know that because of the struggle i am experiencing i am headed in the right direction. Soon the time will come to step up on the ledge and follow my Savior out to a place where footprints dont work and a gaze fixed on Christ is all you can go by.
Sounds scary, but brilliant and incredible huh.
