Monday, August 30, 2010

Walk in the Dark

Time for a different kind of blog update. A throwback if you will to the early "Convos" style where I get into a thinking mode and write out a more deeper entry than the what have I been doing. Hope to intersperse these along with weekly (hopefully sooner than that) updates about life here at Murlough.

So this one is an entry that I wrote down after a walk before I left the states where I was able to tie in a lot of the experience of a normal situation to how life and faith sometimes works.

It is amazing to walk a path in the light and in the dark. The dichotomy between them is striking yet telling.

In the light, you get to see the beauty and majesty of what is around you. You get to take in the sights and sound and soak in what all the senses allow. It's more of a peaceful and simple time whether you are alone or with good company. Life moves at a different pace and the ups and downs of the terrain are not obstacles but adventures and aspects that make you smile. The destination is in sight and a joy to behold, yet you can look back and appreciate just what you accomplished and have conquered.

But how often does the light fade and all that is around drops to dusk and then to dark, though you may be confident in the path you tread, the superfluous and extraneous details fade into the blackness. You and maybe others may worry about the journey as in the different light, yet you truest that you know the path well and you have enough tools to make it through. You can be offered help, take it or set out with what you have, some may even say, "go another way" or "are you sure the path is your way?" but deep down you know that you will be able to succeed.

So you pause and catch your breath and set out along the path before you. As your eyes adjust to the world around you, the path and the two steps in front of you become your focal point.

The first step always seems to be the hardest, since your eyes are not fully adjusted and your mind begins to focus on what you are about to challenge. But the first step does not slow you, you set out to get where you want, where you need to go. You stand and face a path you think you know, but the path is now foreign and new.

As your heartbeat quickens and your eyes are now focused on the path unfolding in front of you a feeling comes over you. Whether it is the knowledge you have, the experience gained or the tools at your disposal, you are able to find and keep near and along the narrow path.

Now about the path. It will shift and change, it rolls and weaves, giving you different footings and feels. the change can be abrupt or gentile still, but that should not shift your focus on the end result. The path is already set, not for you to change or blaze alone but to follow and trust it will get you home. The hills in front of you change your step and make you focus solely on the next two steps. You climb and then hurdle obstacles in the way, but knowing the pace at which you should stay. Beware the path is set but you cannot see far enough ahead to trust a sprint or jump will actually succeed.

So this cadence you start to set, with the knowledge that equal pacing will allow you to feel your way along the path with confidence. Your pace helps you feel out the changes around you to explore with more than just your sense of sight. You start to truly feel where the path may jump up, jut out or abruptly change and necessitates moving with focus and skill. The speed which you go can be set by yourself, but often times you find the terrain and the path itself sets your pace. But all around you are clues to help you safely navigate, everything combines to support forward movement.

Whether knowledge of the path itself or the tools you have been given, there are weapons allowed to assist your journey. It could be something to light the way; a cell phone, watch, flashlight, lantern or a candle as your assistance, but all are able to help. Since all have to do with sight and where the ability to see and the path meet they are your weapons against the darkness. You may clamor for a flashlight when all you have is a watch, but a watch will do if you trust it through. Light, any light casts out darkness and illuminates the path or obstacle in your way. So your tool, your weapon pairs with your sight to move along the path.
There will be times you can only look down and illuminate your feet, seeing only the very closest aspects of the path. Not being able to see or focus on anything but each step and the immediacy of the path, unable to fixate towards your goal. Sometimes you shine up ahead of you, along the path, as you trust your feet and look forward with anticipation what the path will bring next. You are able to see where the path bends and moves and focus on a new horizon, previously shielded in the darkness. Your trust in your feet and how you can move along the path is rewarded as you adjust and connect the dots from your feet to the path and to the next step. At other times you may have to use your light and sight to evaluate the obstacles you feel and sense around you. Making sure that a blind or forceful blazing of the trail will not lead to injury or ruin. You may continue to trust your feet and the solidity of the path before you but you see and determine how to attack the obstacles that line and effect the path. It may be branches that you search both low and high to determine if you can plow through, break apart or simply avoid. Some may encounter logs and stones which necessitates a hurdle or a side-step or even a meandering climb over it.

Other times still you will be smacked in the leg or bumped in the side by an obstacle that you did not see well enough. You may underestimate what it takes to surpass the challenge and find yourself scrambling to your feet to outdue it. But a stumble and fall or a slip does not disqualify you from continuing your journey, it is but just another reminder to press on and do not make the mistake again. For even a simple branch can smack you across the face if arrogance causes you to misidentify and underestimate the path before you. Sometimes a smack in the face or a bruised shin is exactly what you need to continue along the path, able to respect and move forward along the path.

There will come a time where the scanning, prepping, anticipating, and reacting become commonplace. A routine and cadence settles in and the path, though difficult is manageable and your trust is rewarded. These times you are allowed to enjoy the journey for what it is, reflect on where you have come from and look ahead to the next challenge, even with some anticipation.

But even after the routine settles in, a wayward branch can still do damage. A limb here or a jutting rock there can catch you and humble your brain and actions. Shaking your head at the silliness to expect things to sail smoothly and redoubling your efforts with a smile on your face.

Continuing as before you notice something new about the path. Your senses and thoughts go beyond what is in front of you and evaluate the bigger picture of the path. It is actually well kept as some points, there are rough edges or rocky slopes but also a smooth path, or rocks lined to help you along your way. As if either outside forces or those that have gone before took time to assist YOU on the journey. Modifications and improvements allow you easier tread and the rough path becomes almost a lane. Times may pass and you can see light streaming in. As if others are wanting, assisting and willing you to succeed. Some have put lights near the path to illuminate it all, intentionally helping you along your way. Still others have lights only for themselves but the radiance given off still allows you more sight and less darkness as you travel. This selfish light of others still affords you benefit and makes your own way clearer. It is almost as if the path or the path maker conspires to help and challenge you at the same time to progress. The confidence you have that others have completed the journey lifts your spirit as well. The lamppost is a marker to you and an encouragement to continue along your way, asking you to trust what you will finish the same way.

As all these parts of the journey along the path mingle and mesh, the end becomes nearer and nearer still. Before you know it you have reached sight of your goal. The path you've tread completes itself and welcomes you to your destination. You know exactly where to turn, and the next steps you take into total safety and beauty. It may lead to another different path, it may ask you to stop and rest or it may be your final destination, but the darkened path finds you through and to a different place. The aspects and intricacies you have traversed lead you onward and upward with confidence growing and planted deep within you. No matter the next stage you have accomplished something and seen it for it is. You have made it through the dark, leaving with skills and senses challenged and honed for your continued journey. You are able to return to the daylight and look back at what you have accomplished and finished. You swell with satisfaction and humble pride at how it all was finished. Then you turn with a smile, look forward and know that you are able.

You continue, in the light of glorious day.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Weekend of settling in

Hey all!!

I cannot believe it has been now over a full week since I have been at the Murlough House. Actually I can, but it is interesting to think that at this point in my past two trips here I would be prepping to leave by Thursday or so. But now I am looking forward another week or two in expectation because then I will get more into the meat of what I am going to be doing!

This weekend was good, but slow. Being an intern that is here early and not having a car to get around or others to go around with makes life a little different. There is a team from Chicago, 5 of them who are great, Josh, Sara, Dave, Courtney and Silvia, but they rented a car and it only has 5 seats so I am not able to gallivant around with them too often.

So I planned on saturday to ride a bike that is here into Newcastle and explore, get some money and see how life happens in town. But as evening came and I started to get the bike I realized there were some problems, the tires were low and I had no bike pump or bike lock to store it either. So the evening was spent looking around for everything and I did get it pumped with the help of some passing biker/hikers (GOD is cool how he can help out). But at that point it was pretty dark so I didnt end up going. That left me the evening to settle in, realize I am here! and that I am alright with being here, even on my own. That will change and people and busyness will ensue but I am glad i am able to be here and settle in and be fine with reading searching and being chill here.

I will most likely long for a medium between this and my busyness! But God works still and he is great and the slowness and aloneness is not as bad as i feared it would feel. Still not my favorite but i have prayers being lifted up for me, people who want to be with me and opportunities coming up in front of me. For that I am thankful!

Sunday church was excellent, went to Downpatrick Baptist and heard a guest speaker in teh one room church that help about 30 people. Based on John 14 and connecting the I AM the way statements and John 14:14 where he says I will give you anything you ask. The snares that can come of taking that verse out of context and how when we look at it as helping Jesus show the world the Father and that HE is the way, anything we ask will be given, so that we may do EVEN MORE than Jesus did in his time on earth. Incredible stuff, and to boot he had pyrotechnics in the sermon. We memorized Hebrews 1:3 with 11 volunteers and flaming napkins. Trust me, it was tight. Then I was taken to the Church of Ireland service with John Moxen. A small liturgical service. But a place where John is excited about me being able to make inroads and help disciple and grow the congregation. It is cool to be seen as a part, and a big part of that possibility.

So I eagerly wait for more opportunity and pray for courage and ability to just go into town and start to meet the boys and men of Dundrum and see where God takes it and how to continue to be a light and a part of the Murlough House.

So there is my check in for now! God is good, I am smiling and ready for more!! More time and more goodness and more hard stuff to break through!

Until next time!
Bryan

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Starting Days!

Monday 16th -Wednesday August 18th

I'll update you on my journey and first couple days here at Murlough House so you can have a bit of the experience of my start to this part of my adventure.

Monday I got off the plane at about 7am and got through customs alright. This was the first hurdle to climb as there should not have been a problem, but there is always the possibility of delay and trouble when customs and traveling abroad is in the mix. I told them I would be staying four months and he responded that you can only be about 90 days as the maximum, then I told him that I would be in Northern Ireland and he stated oh fine then and just wrote on my stamp Northern Ireland and allowed me to enter! I have no idea if that is how it is supposed to happen, but I left praising God and pumped that step one of my journey on the Emerald Isle was complete.

Next I collected my bags and looked to find the bus that would take me to Newry, Northern Ireland and allow me to get connected with the person picking me up from the Murlough House. So I carted my massive bags and found the correct bus stop and saw that the next bus arrived in 20 min. So I rushed back to find a phone to call the House to let them know which bus I was headed in on. After a nice delay of trying to figure out the country, area, and correct codes to put in, the operator and I finally got a hold of John at his home (since the Murlough phones were down) and it was settled.

So I hopped on the public transportation and went through the Irish countryside into Newry. Collected my bags and found a place to settle in and wait for my unknown contact to arrive. So this was about 10-1030am local time and such 430am Chicago time and I had gotten about one hour of sleep on the plane. So excitement, some disbelief and expectation mixed with a tired body made it an interesting time of thought with myself. Dave, a pastor from Chicago who is with a group of 5 people serving at the Murlough House, picked me up and we enjoyed talking about me and who I am, why I am headed into the House and enjoying the beauty and GREEN and lushness of Northern Ireland.

So I got in and was told I might as well get to bed, but my body cried for two things, food and sleep. The first of which was food, since I never really got a breakfast cept the snack croissant on the plane many hours before. I was in about an hour before lunch (called dinner over here) so I wandered around the property and went down the path to the beach and said hey to the North Sea, and spent some time with God. Talking with him in words like WOAH, I am here, I am here for 4 months, thats a long time, I don't know anyone really, this is gonna be hard sometimes, can I handle this?? Most talks oscillated between joy and excitement and the immensity of the experience as a whole, with the knowledge that I will be challenged and challenged well, in the best ways. So with worship music in my ear and a talk with God in my head I came back for lunch and to get started moving forward with the day by day activities of the Murlough House and my journey here.

So after I was greated by the 30 or so N.I. Youth that are here for the week I wandered sleepy-eyed to the meal room to have some Shepard's pie and bread, along with squash (juice). As soon as that hit my stomach and I had cleaned my plate it was off to my bunk for a nap.

I got a few good hours of sleep while the youth played music and danced to Justin Bieber and Ke$ha and other fun music that I did know about. My body didnt care and so I slept through it for the most part. I awoke and caught the tale end of the boys and some girls messing around with a soccer ball so I was able to have some fun with 2 or 3 of the kids and start to get to know them and they enjoyed learning my name, saying Hey Bryan, and I like your beard and starting to ask me questions about Americans and our speech.
Then came dinner and a time to help a little with the cleanup and more chatting with the youth. Then I also got to sit in for a time of teaching with John Moxen on Song of Songs. It was a good session but I was a bit tired and was my droopy eyes kept me from fully focusing on the message.

From there I was able to get online and update facebook, the blog, talk to my mom and girlfriend and hear of how my little brother was doing at precamp for Taylor's soccer team. It was a needed outlet of normalcy and comfort that I cried out for. It was a reassuring and strengthening time from which I could move forward and be excited about getting to know those around me and get ready for my first full day and getting into the routine. So afterwords I went into the room where the Chicagoans were playing a game and joined in. It was a good time of random questions and some with deep thoughts, sounds like a perfect game for me EH!? So that was grand and then I went up and hit the sack.

Twas time to catch up on sleep and that I did. From the possibility of helping set up and have breakfast as my thoughts of what I was going to do, it went to going back to sleep. From knowing that my job includes daily chores after breakfast, I slept through that as well. To prepping for lunch, well I was able to get up just in time to get into line for lunch. I ended up sleeping 13 hours and woke up to start my first full day, which had turned into a full-ish day since my Tuesday started at 1:30.

But from there it was fantastic. I was able to help with cleanup and meandered out to see what the youth had in store for the day. They had a afternoon of competition and such with a wall rock climb and archery and a teambuilding obstacle course. I was out taking pics of the House in the sunshine and was drafted into team Puss in Boots (from shrek) and climbed the rock wall a couple times and went to shoot archery with them and just chat and laugh with these great kids about 12-15 yrs old mostly. It has been great fun to chat and laugh and talk about American and Irish accents and life and sports. I was a mild celebrity from the beard and accent the moment I walked through the door. (didnt hurt that I started singing along to the songs as soon as I woke up Mon afternoon)

So that great, but I had received a message from Richie, who I'll work closest with, about starting to train with the soccer team I will be playing with and that Tues and Thurs form 7-9 would be a start. So I got the number and was able to call and leave a message that afternoon and received a call back about coming out and playing. So that all was worked out and I found a ride into Newcastle to good ole Donard Park, the sight I had done camps the first time I came here with TU soccer in 2005. From there I met a couple of the guys and the manager and jumped into asking names and kicking the ball around. Felt great to get into a warmup and training session again. I just smiled and nervously jumped in, but soon I was having a blast, able to make jokes and feel my way into what I love doing. We did corners and a small sided game.

Again I was able to look around at this basic but beautiful pitch at the foot of the Mourne Mountains next to the sea and just THANK GOD!! for the opportunity to be doing this. I smiled and laughed knowing I would be able to do this for the next coming months. I signed a form for the manager and am ready to be officially part of the Tolleymore United Football Club. Heck yeah! The first team has a game Wednesday night that I think I will go watch and see the boys I hopeflly will be able to play with come the season starts in september. But the reserve team I trained with was a good bunch of younger lads, prolly high school through college age. I'd say 17-20 or so.

Was a great night and the only hitch was that when I was to be picked up by a few of the Chicagoans, they were late because of a burn injury from hot coffee. But the manager who had trained us was from Dundrum and offered me a lift back. So I got back to the gate and started to walk the last mile or half mile to the House. Able to soak in the evening sky and cattle and Nature Reserve that the House is next to and thank God for this incredible opportunity. Joy fills my heart and all I could think was the Psalm Taste and SEE (know, experience) that the LORD is good, His love endures forever!

A fantastic start to this internship period where God me and people around me help grow me into who and what he is leading me towards!

Monday, August 16, 2010

YEAH, lets have a good Craic at it

I am here! made it through the trip and the public bus in Ireland and was picked up fine and all systems are GO!!!

God is good, so begins the journey, now to recover and settle in and let GOD move from here, i just hope that i have the strength to continue daily! His way or now way!!!

Love you all

Bry

Thursday, August 12, 2010

So It begins

IT IS HERE!

I am sitting here astounded that I am hours away from leaving the midwest to skip across the pond to Northern Ireland! I mean going from 95 degree weather to 65 will not be to bad, and playing soccer with some Irish lads will be fantastic.

But I am most excited about what God is going to bring about and the instances and people I will be able to interact with. Seeing how God will move me and those around me to take an even better look at HIM.

If you have looked at my blog before and been like sheesh he only writes once a month if your lucky, that will change. I am looking forward to letting you know what is going on and how things are going and my random thoughts about life and God pretty consistently.

Your always welcome to email me at TUBMILL3@gmail.com and I do have skype as well! find me on facebook or just say hey on the blog or stop by my webpage that has more information about Project Evangelism and the possibility of supporting me in prayer and monetarily! that can be found at http://independentmissionary.com/site/missionaries/miller

AWWW SNAP!!! lets get it going.
Thanks for all the support, encouragement and prayer that i already have had and know will continue to have. You all are incredible and I thank God for you.

Sincerely Bryan
Bmill